Confessions From An Aspiring Filmmaker


  1. You love/hate Tarantino. Either that or you’re just jealous that a former video store clerk has made a living ripping off old movies and making them cool again.
  2. You’re inspired by music. Any music because it helps you edit the “scene in your head.”
  3. In any phase of production, when all else fails, you steal from the French New Wave.
  4. You know what the word toy-etic means thanks to George Lucas.
  5. Full screen DVDs give you a headache.
  6. You curse the weather because production or not, it will always be against you.
  7. You respect the Harry Potter movies moreso than the books because of ‘its sheer cinematic craft.’
  8. You’ve heard every excuse an actor can give you about not memorizing their lines.
  9. You’re the only one who watches the Special Features on a DVD.
  10. You can go to a movie alone.
  11. You get the M. Night Shyamalan American Express commercial because you’ve been in a restaurant before and thought the same thing.

  12. You’re tired of M. Night Shyamalan.
  13. You wish you can write an ending in your next screenplay as clever as M. Night Shyamalan but then you remember reason number 12.
  14. Like it or not, Spielberg is still the man.
  15. During productions, you can go on without eating or sleeping but when you’re on hiatus, you complain that you never eat or get any sleep . . .
  16. You’re money goes to DVDs because you honestly believe they’re your textbooks.
  17. You watch a music video and you say to yourself, “hell, I could have directed that!”
  18. You hate to admit that even after cinematography and lighting classes, you still for the life of you can’t read a friggin’ light meter. This is why you have a DP because then you can just tell him to ‘bump it up,’ or ‘bring it down’ and he’ll know exactly what you mean.
  19. Or you skip the light meter/DP crap all together and be your own DP because you know you’ll just end up arguing with that DP anyway.
  20. You know the phone number to your local film commission by heart.
  21. MovieFone is on your speed dial, too.
  22. Yes, you pull the director card when you have to and enjoy uttering the words, “but I’m the director and I said so.”
  23. Half the time, you’ll second guess you ever said that.
  24. You have a favorite film composer.
  25. You don’t believe in a project being finished. You’ll always find something you wish you can fix.
  26. You promise you’ll make more serious films come next project.
  27. You have the utmost respect for animation.
  28. You honestly believe that the title design can make or break your film.
  29. You’re always pitching. Either that or someone’s always pitching something at you.
  30. You always have a friend or relative who comes up to you and says “can I be in your movie?”
  31. You always have a friend or relative who comes up to you and says “what kind of movies do you make, porn?” then chuckles as if he/she was the first one ever to come up with that lame-ass joke.
  32. “Interesting” isn’t the compliment you’re looking for after a screening.
  33. No one will ever get your experiments in cinema but you. Not even you’re own cast and crew.
  34. You can tell a fake ‘smile and nod’ from an honest ‘smile and nod.’
  35. Despite the ups and downs, you can’t think of doing anything else for the rest of your life.

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